So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
