Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
