Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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