either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
