the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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