Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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