and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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