I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
