I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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