There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
