but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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