Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
