I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
