I wish my penis had an off switch
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
