So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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