Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
