Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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