Got a toothbrush?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
