I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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