my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
