You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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