i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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