A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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