someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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