did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
