So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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