I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
