im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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