we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
