Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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