it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
