I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
