i was born a porn star she said
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
