i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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