I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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