I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
