The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
