This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize