Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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