My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
