I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
