my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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