the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize