that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
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I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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