I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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