I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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