the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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