Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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