a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
