I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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