It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
