I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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