You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sarcasm needs its own font
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
