Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
