I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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