Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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