he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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