Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
