my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
