i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize