They should really pass out barf bags in church
It was confusing and full of hummus
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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