I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
