Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize