I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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