When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
