And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
