Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
