Your face is a jimmy john
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
