Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
