I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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