we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
